New website up…

searchingforthecross.com

(you can also get there through timsouthwick.com)

Thanks Ben!!

Lord break this heart

Why so often do we fail?

What is it about sin that is so destructive?

Why do I feel so ashamed every time I sin?

What is my motivation to do more for God?

I want to say it’s out of a devoted, passionate heart that loves the Lord and wants his name to be glorified (and many times this is the reason) but, if I’m truly honest then many times it’s nothing more than _{selfish ambition}.

Am I reaching out to serve the “least of these“, to serve Jesus, or am I just trying to selfishly store up my treasures in heaven? I’m not saying that storing up treasures in heaven is bad, far from it. It is simply amazing that the God of all creation would count the work that his children do to bless and serve others as worthy of reward. He is the only one worthy to receive a reward, yet still he wants to bless his children. I don’t understand why the Lord of all creation would seek me out to help further his kingdom. I have recently started going through the Radical series online by David Platt (pastor in Birmingham, Alabama). It’s made me look at the gospel message much more carefully; to study what Jesus said those days so many years ago that changed the world for eternity. Do I really want to live my comfortable life, with my comfortable friends? Or, do I want to engage with the creator in a way that others will say is crazy? Do I want to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, heel the lepers? Or would I rather watch my tv, read my mystery novels, and ignore the pain of this world?

I simply cannot ignore the calling of Christ. I don’t want to stand before God on judgement day and have him say that while I would have accumulated a great treasure in heaven, that I will not be able to reap the benefits because he never knew me.

I want to worship in spirit and in truth. I want to live my life in a manner that is biblical. I want to run to Jesus and his Spirit each and every morning with open arms and say “here am I, use me”. I want Satan to shudder at the thought of what the Lord will use me for. I want be broken again and again, that he may fill me back up.

I want to live out the gospel message of _{Luke 14:25-35}

The Cost of Being a Disciple

²⁵Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ²⁶“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. ²⁷And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

²⁸“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? ²⁹For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him,³⁰saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’

³¹“Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? ³²If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace.³³In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

³⁴“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? ³⁵It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

The following is a song that speaks out the hearts of a generation crying out. Whether those who are longing to serve or those desperately needing Jesus, I see each persons’ voice echo through.

Surely children weren’t made for the streets

And fathers were not made to leave

Surely this isn’t how it should be

Let Your Kingdom come

Surely nations were not made for war Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can’t be what You saw

Let Your Kingdom come

Here in my heart

I will live

To carry Your compassion

To love a world that’s broken

To be Your hands and feet

I will give

With the life that I’ve been given

And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name

Surely life wasn’t made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead

Let Your Kingdom come

Your name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Jesus Your name
Is a refuge for the weak

Only Your name

Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need

I recently got back from a week vacation to Florida (well, it was recently when I started this blog, it’s been well over a month now). It was fantastic; a great break from reality, a chance to recharge the batteries and revel in God’s glorious creation!

Ft. Lauderdale and Key West were two towns that really stuck out to me. These are two gorgeous cities with rich histories. The weird part of both was the extreme presence of extravagance and the unmistakable reality of poverty. During our time in Key West, we were walking down the picturesque beaches with the ocean on one side and historical homes on the other. On this same beach were a half dozen homeless men. Some were talking, one man sleeping under a palm tree, and others simply gazing off into the distance. In Ft Lauderdale mere city blocks separated those living in abject poverty and those living in multi-million dollar homes with yachts that cost twice as much sitting out front.

It was a surreal reminder that even in destination cities there are men, women, and children suffering. I find it ironic that these two extremes could exist in such close proximity. How does a society allow for such an extreme distribution of wealth? Yet, even in this country, many considered to live below the poverty line are rich in comparison to so many around the world. Even those who make $10,830.00 per year (the 2009/2010 HHS poverty line for a single person) are still in the top 14% of wage earners in the world. That is out of over 6 billion people. Meaning that $10,830.00 is more than 5.2 billion people in the world will make this year. That’s a mind blowing stat to me. We have made wealth, prosperity, and the “American Dream” more important than Jesus and serving the least of these.

I’ve been reading a book for class by author Daniel Pink titled A Whole New Mind. There is a chapter called Abundance, Asia, and Automation. I was reading the part about Abundance and found some interesting stats:

• More than 2 out of 3 Americans own the homes in which they live (with some 13% of homes purchases being second homes)
• There are enough cars in America for everyone who can drive, to have a car to drive
• Self-storage has become a $17 billion dollar industry in the United States (larger than the movie industry)
• The US spends more on trash bags than ninety other countries spend on everything (that’s the ninety countries combined)

So, how do I live as a Christian in a world with so much abject poverty and so much concentrated wealth? How can I live in a world where a cup of coffee at $1.50 is more than 1.372 billion people live on every day? (worldhunger.org) How do I live in a world with 147 million orphans? How do I claim to be a follower of Christ, but am so unwilling to stand up for my faith by caring for the widows and orphans? How do I look Jesus in the face and answer the question: “What have you done for the least of these?”

I’m not a preacher and I’m not trying to preach to you. I’m asking myself hard questions today; I’m asking myself how I can face my creator after accumulating all of this “stuff” in my life that just takes up space and not feed the hungry, clothe the naked, or look after the orphans and widows. I’m praying that my heart will be rocked this week; that I can strip my life of all the waste in it and truly dig into what Jesus desires.

Last weekend Nashville, TN was hit with what many are calling a 1,000 year flood. While not all of Nashville was flooded (unlike New Orleans with Katrina), many large neighborhoods and business districts were flooded. I sat in the comfort of my living room (well away from flood concerns) watching the drama unfold. I saw bridges washed away, parking lots turned into raging rivers, and a building float down the interstate and then crumble upon impact with cars and semi-trucks. I stood in church with my pastors Sunday morning and within minutes literally watched a car disappear into the rising flood waters. Every local station covered the flood as any disaster I have ever seen on television. Live shots, breaking news, death, destruction…and there in the middle of it all, hope. Strangers pulling strangers off of rooftops, tree limbs, car roofs…and then the rain ended. For 48 hours Nashville’s most famous landmarks were inundated with water…The Grand Ole Opry and Opryland Hotel, LP Field and the Bridgestone Arena, Wildhorse Saloon…neighborhoods in Bordeaux, Bellevue, Antioch, and West Nashville with water from several inches to several feet simply destroying everything and anything in its path.

In the midst of the destruction, the chaos, and the fears I wondered how God could allow something like this to happen. I wondered how He would make good out of so much bad. And then the waters receded and Nashville became a true community. Thousands of volunteers, some with churches, some with Hands on Nashville, some just on their own flooded these communities with hope, with manpower, and with the love of Christ.

I stood in awe as I walked through the River Plantation community in Bellevue one week after the rain started. In every direction, for as long as the neighborhood stretched were people helping people. Men and women with gloves and hammers tearing out drywall, removing carpet, hardwood flooring and furniture. Men and women demoing houses, gutting first floors, basements, bathrooms. Everything the water touched was destroyed. The sights, sounds, and smells were overwhelming. The emotions were evident but for the most part controlled. Yet, on every face you could sense the despair, you could see in the eyes of the widow who lost everything “how will I survive this?” You saw on the face of the single mom the gratitude for the strangers that were literally throwing the remains of her life in trash bags “how do I keep going?” I felt lost in the midst of this pain. All I could do was keep working, was keep moving, doing anything I was asked, not because I wanted to be thanked, recognized, or noticed. I kept going because I knew that if the workers stopped then those devastated would not be able to keep going.

John 16:33

³³“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

That was the verse we studied in church this morning. I could not believe the wonder of God when after going through John with our church for almost 2 years that on this Sunday, after the flood, when for so many, all hope seemed lost, that the Father would remind us that the victory is His. I praise God for the gift of sore muscles, an aching back, and tired hands. I thank Him for showing me two small stories that are but a pin drop in what happened to our city. I praise Him for the healer that He is. He has overcome this destruction, He has overcome the sin that has caused so much pain in our world. He has overcome our iniquities and shortcomings so that in Him we may have eternal piece after this life is over. I take heart in my Jesus today!

Pray for our city, for Bellevue, Antioch, Bordeaux, Riverfront, West Nashville, Clarksville, Memphis, Dickson, Jackson … pray for the widow and the single mother … pray for healing and restoration … most importantly pray as was said this morning, that their lives will be restored on a better foundation, that we will all build our lives on the rock that is Christ Jesus and not on the things of this world that can be so quickly washed away.

What is it about decision making, especially those that can be life-altering, that are so difficult? I mean, it’s not that diving off the deep end with no idea what is below is risky?

OK, so in reality, it is.

Generally I am content, happy even. Lately, I have been feeling something different. There is a restlessness in my soul. I feel as though God is preparing me for something new, something next, something greater than even I could imagine. The only problem is, I have absolutely no idea what that is. I have no idea where, why, how, who, what, when, etc etc etc that it is. So, there in lies my dilemma.

There are days that I think “X” or “Y” and then the next day it’s “A” or “B”. (I put the letters there because I’m not quite sure what any of those things truly are.) Most days I just put on a happy face and trudge forward. Lately, each and every day I have been feeling that there is something more. I think that God gives us periods of waiting where we have to trust in Him. I think it’s in those times that we can grow in the Lord extensively. He has given me a chance to dig into Him, to listen to HIm, to simply fall in love with Him. I am so thankful for this time in my life.

So, indecision or doubt? Is it doubt in God or doubt in myself. If it’s doubt in God, then I do not truly trust Him in His perfection. I think it’s doubt in myself, in my shortcomings, and in my insecurities. I think that this doubt in myself leads to the indecision. I am learning to not doubt myself, because the Lord created me for a purpose. He chose me for a specific time as this to trust in Him and wait. So, wait I shall!

But, in the meantime I will continue to pursue the Savior who first pursued me. I challenge you to do the same.

Shame – (noun) – the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another

Unashamed (adjective) – being without guilt, self-consciousness, or doubt

Sometimes in worship, I feel as though I just can’t express myself in the way that I truly feel I want to. The way that God designed me to.

Does that ever happen to you? Sometimes I have the most amazing worship experiences in the simple solitude of my bedroom; with the door shut and the lights out, I am able to engage with the Lord in unashamed abandonment. I read those sentences and have to ask, and more importantly, search my heart as to why I feel that way. In public, am I ashamed of God; ashamed of myself; or fearful of what people will think of me?

I don’t feel free right now in worship. I don’t feel as though I can be abandoned or unashamed. I don’t feel that I can open up my heart to a fullness of expression before the living God. It’s not that I am ashamed of the Lord or ashamed in worshipping Him. The shame I feel comes from my insecurities.

For the past two years, I have (almost every Sunday) run sound for Green Hills Church. It is a blessing to be able to use the talent He has given me to give Him glory and help lead His people in worship. I have recently had the privilege to serve Green Hills in a different capacity. For many recent weeks, I have been up front playing bass. While it’s been a lot of fun, I have struggled to find the balance between playing well and worshipping (sometimes I simply get lost in worship and get lost in the song too). I find myself embarrassed when I mess up; I feel as though I am being judged. But, why? Where in scripture does it say that we should be embarrassed if we miss a note in worship? I’m not saying that we should be lackadaisical in worshipping the Lord. We should give all we have to the Lord to give Him the glory that He so perfectly deserves. I am saying that we should be real; that we should pour out the love that the Lord has commanded that we lavish on Him; that we give Him love without shame, with an abandoned heart prostrate before Him.

Francis Chan (author of Crazy Love and Forgotten God) says that “It is a remarkable cycle: Our prayers for more love result in love, which naturally causes us to pray more, which results in more love…” You get the idea. Worship is more than just songs on Sunday morning and Wednesday night; worship is a lifestyle that seeks to give everything to the God that first gave everything. “For God so loved the world that He gave… (John 3:16) He sent His son to die for our sins; for the sins you and I committed today and the ones we may commit tomorrow. He did this because He loved us first. How can we react to that aside from love?

My challenge to you and me is this: Give the Lord all you have in worship. Not just in the “corporate” worship settings, but in all aspects of your life. Fall down before the living God and humble yourself before Him. Ask Him how He wants to be worshipped today; seek Him with all your might; lay down your life before Him. Remember, “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me” and conversely, “whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for Me”. I think Jesus was clear that worship in spirit and in truth required more than just three chords, an acoustic guitar, and PowerPoint. Worship in spirit and truth requires a heart that is in tune with the Holy Spirit; a heart that is so in Love with Jesus that it cannot help but worship.

Be Blessed

“Sometimes I’d like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it…but I’m afraid God might ask me the same questions”. ~Anonymous

A friend of mine posted this quote on their Facebook wall. It hit me hard. Why do I question God? Is it because I feel I am wiser than God? I hope not, but I think in a selfish way, I act in that manner. I question His sovereignty; His perfect will.

Sometimes there are days when I press into God, sometimes there are days when I run from Him. This week has been the latter. Today, however, I made a conscious decision to press into God, to spend time in His word, and to seek His face. Today was the best day of the week for me.

I don’t think that God punished me by having a bad week for my distance from Him, but I think I saw first hand, that if you press into God, that He will press into you.

It’s funny, I started writing this blog about a week ago. I was just going to write the quote above and jot down a few thoughts, but one day turned into 9 and here I am finally finishing it up. Conviction is different than guilt. Conviction makes me feel worse and better at the same time than when I feel guilty. I think it’s because I have the knowledge of what Jesus did on the cross so many years ago. How, every time I fall short of His glory, I put the nails into his feet and wrists and pierce His side. This has been a season of growth, I’m not done growing, and hope that I never will. I hold steadfast to Jesus and the promises of His Word.

Goodnight.

What does it mean to be radical? What does it mean to give up that which is comfortable in order to live for Christ?

It means giving up everything you have; to take up your cross and follow Christ… then why is it so hard to do it? Why can’t I give up my comforts; my tv, my car, this computer I am writing this on, my dreams, my future…to follow Jesus? My world was rocked tonight for Christ. The Holy Spirit entered my life in a way that broke my heart for the lost. I can’t describe it, but my heart is moving to be radical. Katie Davis wrote a blog entry this week that made me weep for the lost. There is a link at the end of the entry that is a series of sermons from a pastor in Birmingham. (I strongly recommend checking out both). He was talking about being radical and what that entails. Being radical isn’t a catchy slogan on a t-shirt, it’s not a membership in a church, it’s not the comfortable existence that we take for granted in this country. It is boldly following Christ because that is what he calls us to do. It is walking in faith and not looking back at what you are leaving behind.

I love my family, my friends, my church. I feel incredibly blessed by God. I have more than I know what to do with. I am rich. I have more than billions of people in this world do. Even with that, I complain that I do not make enough money, that my car is not nice enough, that my wardrobe is lacking, and that I need more of this “stuff”. I am storing up treasures on this earth. Fleeting treasures that I often break, forget about, lose, or discard. Jesus forgive me for my selfishness. Forgive me for not caring enough about people that I would rather be happy now then spend eternity with them, your creation, your children. Forgive me for not caring if they go to hell.

I have, I have, I have….mine, mine, mine, … me, me, me, …. my, my, my….selfishness has rooted itself into this life the Lord has given me. It is treated with such disrespect towards God, it is sickening.

Thank you Jesus for your grace! Thank you Holy Spirit for entering this wretched life that I may serve you! Thank you Father that you love Your children, Your creation so much that you sent your Son to die for the sins that have taken ahold of this life for so many years. Thank you for the cleansing power of the cross!

It’s time to take up my cross and follow Him. It’s time I give up everything and do Kingdom work. Its time to raise my hands in unashamed worship to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

I was sitting at my brother’s house this morning, drinking my coffee, reading the newspaper when I came across this article in the Des Moines Register about non-traditional churches.

Good to know we’re not alone with GHC.

How do I make a difference? All around me people are going, doing, living out the Gospel. I sit here and live my life, but for what? I feel so inadequate. I just want to go, but every time I see an opportunity to go, to serve, to do…there seems to be something in my life that keeps me from serving.

My roommate Josh is going to Uganda in March to serve the orphans there. I am stoked for him. I hope to be able to partner with him in anyway I can. But, I can’t go.

A group of amazing people from Green Hills Church is going to Haiti in March. Again, I can’t go. I’m not complaining. It’s just that I wish I could do more. I wish I had the time to be able to go and serve God’s children. Maybe I just wish I could make the time.

An amazing couple, the Dunlap’s, is in the process of adopting a little boy from Ethiopia. I feel incredibly blessed that the Lord has put me in the midst of the work he is doing through Green Hills Church. The Lord has broken our hearts for the lost, for orphans, for the homeless, for the least of these.

Is it truly that I can’t go or that I won’t? Are the excuses I make, just that, excuses? If I truly wanted to, could I find the time to go; could I find the place to serve; could I find the least of these to love?

Father, I don’t want to be content with where I am. I want to make a difference. Show me how I can reach those that you will put in my path. Help me use the finances you have entrusted me to glorify your name above any other. Show me what sacrifice means. Teach me how to love. Father in my insecurities; show me how I can serve, wherever and however You would have me to. Most of all Lord, show me how to make my life completely about you.